Unexpected Encounter
by Adreus
Summary: crack, drunk!Sasuke — It was something you'd see only once in your lifetime. The Great Uchiha Itachi, silent, deadly, handsome, and creepy… reduced to yelling in pain when his drunk, underage, kid brother pulled at his hair. —Sasuke, Akatsuki.


**_#68 - Unsettling Revelations  
_**

_I hereby disclaim all characters, places, etc, used in this ficlet, minus the idea in itself and the wording. _

So, um, being being in a barrel for at least a day will obviously lead you needing to go to the bathroom and needing water, right...?

Unexpected Encounter

_June 26, 2007 – June 27, 2007_

_qwertumz_

"Hey, Itachi-san, is that--?"

Hoshigaki Kisame pointed out to his somewhat disgruntled partner, Uchiha Itachi, a new presence within their bar. Yes – _their _bar. The Akatsuki, what with a disgruntled Kazuku and all, actually _misplaced _all their funding and were in desperate need of money, so they had opened up a bar. On the edge of the Fire Country, _Aka_ was fairly new, and poor Itachi and Kisame, being the closest in proximity at the time of its creation, were stuck running it.

Itachi paused in his current exciting activity; drying glasses with a grubby pink towel. He hungrily took in the new distraction, his eyes tracing Kisame's pointed direction, going ever so slowly if only to delay having to clean the glass just a bit longer. Itachi nearly dropped the glass he was holding when his gaze _finally _reached the designated person of interest. Kisame sympathized with him; it was pretty obvious that Itachi hadn't expected to see his kid brother again for quite some time. Not to mention, he certainly didn't think that their next encounter would be inside a bar, for which they _both _were too young to legally be in at all.

The door slammed open and all was silent inside the small shop. A rather beat-up looking preteen stood in the doorway, breathing deeply, as if he hadn't had a breath of air for a while. His torn blue shirt fell loosely against him, like it was more tired than he himself was. The boy did not move from his spot, looking down at his knees as he took in as much cool air as he could. He didn't notice, it seemed, that he was being watched in silence by the two bar attendants, Itachi and Kisame, as well as the three current 'guests,' Deidara, Sasori, and Zetsu.

"He's quick to pursuit, isn't he, Itachi-san?" Kisame murmured into the silence with a shark-like grin. Luckily, he and his comrades had masked themselves inside a _genjutsu_ and couldn't be recognized; the new visitor looked a bit too tired for _Sharingan. _Itachi did not reply and still no one moved; they were all waiting for the mysterious boy at the door to do something.

Suddenly, the boy gasped and fell to his knees, one arm hanging loosely while the other was clutching his torso tightly. Eyes closed in apparent pain, he tried to stand. In an awkward sort of slouch, he mumbled something to Itachi, one eye open. Itachi didn't even need to read the boy's lips to know where he needed to go.

He did not trust his mouth to speak, quite sure that he'd utter "foolish little brother." Continuing to stare as Sasuke resisted the urge to double over in pain, he slowly rose a hand to point towards the restroom. Sasuke did not say a word either, instead walking over rather awkwardly into the direction of designated room. The red and white fan shown proudly on his back, he opened the door and immediately disappeared behind it.

Itachi's stare did not falter while Kisame snickered beside him. The teenager did not move; his stare was completely content on watching the door carefully despite whatever may have been going on beside or behind him. Meanwhile, Deidara swiveled around in his counter seat to face his larger partner at the table behind him. Sasori's permanent glare stared at him as always. Taking a long swig of his sake, Deidara said, "_Sasori__ no __danna_, does that kid look like Itachi to you?" A smirk was evident in Deidara's voice alone, though when he took a glance at Itachi, his face was masked with curious innocence.

Itachi took that moment to tear his glare away from the door and glare at Deidara, knowing full well that the blonde would do anything to annoy him. Itachi didn't exactly feel like fighting, though, and unfortunately for him, physical combat wasn't what Deidara was going for at the moment, either.

The Iwa-nin jumped off his seat and hoisted himself over the counter, nearly shaking the thing and toppling over the drink in front of Zetsu, who was alone in the shadowy corner, chatting to himself. Kisame's grin grew as he, too, climbed over the counter and tossed his work apron at Deidara, and took a seat next to Sasori. Deidara gleefully caught the apron and tied it around his waist. Picking up the saké bottle next to his glass, his poured some into a new, large glass instead of a goblet, and then waited, leaning against the counter and watching the bathroom door in anticipation. Itachi arched an eyebrow in wonder. That is, until he remembered that Sasuke looked just a bit thirsty when he'd come in constipated…

Sasori watched with interest (his mischievous preteen side happily abided to Deidara's idea, while his grown up grouchy self side was thinking that Deidara was being childish). Kisame caught Itachi's eye and shrugged. Zetsu was about to insert a sly comment about Sasuke looking rather good to eat, but was stopped by the sudden twisting of the knob on the restroom door.

For the second time in the past few minutes, all were still, Itachi not daring to move as his 'I'm-the-only-one-allowed-to-torture-Sasuke' instincts began to perk. Despite Itachi being merciless and utterly evil, Sasuke was _his _property. As must as that sounded pedophilic, Itachi just _couldn't _let someone get his little brother drunk, because, of course, he knew _exactly _what happened last time.

Deidara smirked, a heavy _'un_' escaping his lips as he again jumped over the counter, picked up the sake, and in his most feminine voice possible (which was eerily feminine), said to the now relieved Sasuke, "Sweety, you look dehydrated. Would you like a drink? On the house, hmm?" Deidara added a sickeningly sweet smile and offered up the glass, his eye closed shut in a way that could mean only that he was trying his hardest at being sweet. Kisame nearly choked and Itachi thought he might vomit at Deidara's appearance. (Of course, no one could tell this from Itachi's exterior. Shinobi like him were very talented at hiding emotions, even from themselves.)

Sasuke, not in anyway amused or disturbed, nudged the air above his left shoulder as though a backpack might be there and rolled his arm in its socket, several painful cracks echoing loudly and causing Deidara to twitch. The boy said bluntly, "I'm underaged, dumbass. And from the looks of it, so are you." Sasuke went to force Deidara out of the way when he was grabbed roughly by the injured shoulder.

Deidara, all traces of sweetness gone, said simply, "You think we give a damn, hmm?" He arched eyebrow when Sasuke did so as well, shaking the saké glass as though it was something very tempting. Sasuke's throat ached and he knew that getting a drink like that wouldn't help, but…

"I care about my body, you moron. I _need _it," Sasuke persisted, though his body was telling him quite clearly that _he_ was the moron for not taking the thirst quenching drink. Deidara sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically. Sasuke's glare did not flinch. (Itachi was getting a bit jealous of Sasuke's many patented glares. His own arsenal was less creative.)

"Like _hell_ you do," Deidara glared pointedly at all of Sasuke's injuries and his torn shirt, particularly the back. Sasuke bit back a retort as his stomach took the worst possible time to growl much like a lion. Deidara grinned as the boy gruffly grabbed the rice wine from his hand and sat at the seat farthest from everyone else.

But Sasuke didn't drink. He just sat there, staring at it, wondering if perhaps it was drugged to do something other than what it would normally do to his young body. Deidara watched him closely from behind, waiting for the moment of truth. Sasuke finally realized that Deidara was a nice woman (Yes, woman. Even with Deidara's use of masculine sounds and pronouns, he seemed more feminine than masculine to him.) Sasuke took a nice long swig of the drink, gulped loudly and was completely unaware that everyone in the bar was watching him in anticipation.

Itachi found the courage to speak only after Sasuke had downed the whole glass. "Little—er, young man,"--(wow, did saying that to Sasuke feel weird)—"you're sure you should… do…that…?" Itachi slowed down when Sasuke gave the glass a little shove in his direction, making it clear that he wanted more. Lost, he looked up at his little brother, hoping desperately that he was _joking_.

Sasuke hiccupped, but didn't look up at Itachi. "More." He stated it simply. As Itachi's instincts of telling Sasuke that he should be training to kill him and _not _getting drunk off rice, Itachi was pushed over roughly by Deidara. The blonde happily took Sasuke's glass and gave the boy a new bottle instead of a refill.

"N-Naruto?" Sasuke's slurred speech came as a surprise to Deidara when the boy looked up at him, "You're alive? Hehe, I thought – hic – I thought I killed…you… hehe…!" While Itachi mulled over _why _exactly Sasuke would say that (he thought Sasuke could get better friends, so the whole Sasuke and Naruto friendship thing didn't cross his mind), Kisame burst into howls of laughter.

"Deidara!" he exclaimed in between chuckles, "He thinks you're the nine tails!"

Deidara didn't quite get what was so funny about being compared to a fox, and so ignored Kisame's howls in the background. Sasuke continued to giggle, and poor Itachi (poor Itachi? UN?!) could stand only shock still, secretly locked inside his thoughts of how Sasuke would end up being best friends with Naruto. The Hyuuga kid he could understand; but _Naruto_?

"Hey," said Kisame suddenly, stopping his now subsided chuckling, "what would he do if you showed him the _Sharingan_, Itachi-san?"

"Probably activate his own," stated Itachi simply, now quite past his 'Oh crap, Sasuke's drunk and is apparently best friend's with the nine-tails' phase. He pushed away all the crap on the counter and hoisted himself up as Deidara had done before, seating himself on the table near Sasuke. Itachi looked straight at Sasuke, _genjutsu_ evaporating around him. "Hey," Itachi poked Sasuke's forehead, gaining the boy's attention, "_otouto_."

Sasuke pouted, which was kind of weird, then opened his mouth in surprise at Itachi's eyes. "_Sharingan_!" he said brightly, his own eyes spinning red. Sasuke then pointed at Itachi's eyes, nearly poking him. "You've got nice eyes, hehe," Sasuke hiccupped, "But your hair is prettier!" Sasuke then sort of burp-giggled and snatches Itachi's hair, pulling it fiercely.

Toddler, drunk, Sasuke was something Itachi had been through before. His now longer hair, however, hadn't been present the last time…

"OUCH!" yelped Itachi. Sasori shook, trying to surpress his laughter. This was quite silly, and it was something to see only once in your lifetime. The Great Uchiha Itachi, silent, deadly, handsome, and creepy… reduced to yelling in pain when his drunk, underage, kid brother pulled on his hair.

"Itachi-san," said Kisame loudly, "he's kind of cute when he's drunk."

Part of Zetsu agreed; Sasuke's white flesh looked rather scrumptious and he was acting too cuddly to be anywhere other than Zetsu's digestive track. Zetsu cleared his throat rather loudly to direct everyone to listen to him before asking, "Itachi, can we keep him? We offer to get rid of him once we're done playing with him."

Itachi swiftly through a rather pointy kunai towards the dark, mysterious, corner where Zetsu was known to have sat, before saying a firm "_No_." No matter how sadistic he was, Itachi would _not _live with the fact that his acquaintance has eaten his brother alive and then pooped him out some place. (Not to mention, the whole Sasuke had to kill him thing.)

While Itachi wasn't paying attention, Sasuke asked for yet another bottle and Deidara happily abided, informing the boy that he needn't worry about a thing. When Itachi twisted around again quickly and nearly shrieked to see Sasuke with another one, Deidara placed his hands on his hips (their cloaks lay on the floor behind the counter, as they didn't need them when inside the _genjutsu_) and said, "You can't honestly tell us that you _care_ about him, hmm?"

Sasuke tried to grab for Itachi's hair again but fell flat on his face when Itachi skidded away from him. Poor Sasuke picked himself up and mumbled something about tomatoes before spotting the saké again and taking yet another set of gulps.

"Deidara," Itachi said quietly, getting up, dispelling the _genjutsu_ completely, and hastily locking the door to the bar, "I've set him a purpose, and as cruel as I may be, I would prefer not to see the splitting image of my mother be eaten alive by Zetsu." Itachi tightened his hair in the pony-tail, and readied a stance, knowing that the only answer was a fight with Deidara. It would make it all stop – Deidara didn't want any ninja fights.

But before Deidara, too, could get into a stance, the word 'mother,' caught Sasuke's attention, and he suddenly stilled and turned around, taking a stiff glance at each and everyone of them before he reached Deidara, and then he completely forgot why he had stilled in the first place at the sight of him.

Deidara arched an eyebrow when Sasuke's nose-bleed began and he stood, making advancements, and as he backed away slowly, he thought to ask Itachi, "Erm, Itachi, your brother is straight, right? He just thinks I'm a woman, like all those others, right?" Sasuke pounced and Deidara jumped backwards into a table, eye wide with astonishment.

Itachi could feel a malicious grin threatening to escape and take over his passive expression. With the slightest twice of his lips, he said, "I think he might go both ways. Doesn't really have time for romance, but since he's drunk..." Deidara scowled, backing away once more from what he thought was a hormone-run fourteen-year-old rather than a depressed thirteen, then turning around and running in frantic circles. "Don't worry," Itachi added, "He'll stop eventually."

Deidara stopped in his frantic run for a moment to glare at the missing Konoha-nin. Unfortunatley, this short moment was all Sasuke needed to pounce on him and knock him across the room. Sasuke stopped and stood over the blonde, again thinking that it was Naruto rather than a random Iwa-nin he'd never seen before in his life.

"Hey Naruto," whispered Sasuke, ducking his head down, his mouth in front of Deidara's ear, causing the blonde to shiver, "I enjoyed your kiss."

Deidara, who had trying to escape from beneath Sasuke's gaze, Itachi, who had been smirking at Deidara's discontentment, and Kisame, chortling just a bit too much all froze. Their eyes went wide, the rest of their faces blank. Did-Did Sasuke just imply to Deidara that he and the nine-tails had _kissed _and he wanted to do the same to _Deidara_?!

Kisame was the first to recover. He coughed, gave Itachi a sympathetic look, then calmly turned his chair so that he could see only Sasori. The two engaged in a conversation about killing things and Zetsu soon joined them. Itachi and Deidara, however, stayed very still, all the while Sasuke trying to make more advances on the blonde, but being blocked by Deidara's self-conscious hands. (Of course, the mouths on Deidara's hands kind of turned on Sasuke when he was horny.)

After a few moments of this same awkward silence between Sasuke, Deidara, and Itachi, Deidara snapped out of his trance to stare in wonder at Itachi. "Sasuke-ku—I mean 'un!'—he-ge gets drunk rather easily," Deidara gulped, "hmm?"

Itachi nodded half-consciously, trying despretly to get the images of Sasuke and Naruto kissing passionately in front of the bright moon out of his mind. He swallowed and closed his eyes, before calmly going to the restroom and using _Tsukuyomi_on the mirror.

Deidara just about had it with Sasuke kissing his hand, so pulling a face, he forced the boy off of him and held him up by the back of his shirt. Deidara dragged him (surprised that he seemed underweight) and asked Sasori politely if he would please knock him out for Deidara's sake.

Needless to say, when Itachi walked out of the restroom thirty minutes later he was met with a hung-over Sasuke, who'd woken up earlier than expected, mumbling something about his mind playing crazy tricks on him when he looked up at his brother.

"Water," Sasuke said suddenly, "I need water."

Deidara promptly flung his glass of ice cool water at Sasuke from the seat beside the boy, saying something about annoying, horny little brothers and how his hand was now tainted with disgusting Uchiha germs.

Sasuke was more than thrilled to enter the conversation. Annoying brothers was one of the things he was good at talking about.

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fin.

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End file.
